going through me

may 25 2013 :

tonight, it made me think that everything is just as fine as i knew them before.

never did i realize that i was already fooling myself.

until, time can that i would cry myself to sleep.

just about awhile ago, my mother gave me words about what she thinks of me right now.

what she thinks of what's happening to me right now.

what she saw, a big change, even i could recognize but i chose to ignore.

i was going off too fast in some things.

right now, things are too complicated to change it.

but honestly, what's complicated is just me.

i just want sme few things that i cant actually have, but still i am fighting for it.

i pity myself for this.

i can see myself nowhere near a decent future.

what i am witing right now is a perfect time to start.

i can picture one.

a moment.

i believe it's coming close, still it's too long.

the time i need is right now, every time od every day.

but i just cant.

im too weak for that, too afraid.


right, my mind is going off crazy.

for one mistake, it felt like ive destroyed everything.

and it is.

and if i cant find a few as soon as possible,

i am going to crumble down on my knees.

there's still nothing in my head that can solve my case right now.

but to what it really is, i have to wait.

i need to.

it's the only way.


and with that i have to, put more effort in myself.

i need to get back there again and rethink about myself.

retraced of every mistakes ive done, and resolve it one by one.

and it will all start TO ME.

poor lost me

there was this story about the lost pup.

now this poor little pup, he was left alone by his owner.

she left the poor pup somewhere in the streets and let it loose.

the girl ran and the little dog tried to catch up with her.

the girl was lost in sight and the poor dog could no longer see his owner.

the poor lost pup wept in tears in the corner.

some kids tried to approach it but it seems the dog was waiting for one and one alone.

one day, a little found the lost pup.

it tried to bark to scare the little girl away.

but the girl was not afraid to approach.

she understood it was lost and hungry and in need of some care.

she tried to walk a little closer to the little pup.

she tried to hand him some snacks to eat.

the poor hungry pup ate everything, still, it kept on barking.

the little girl walked away and looked for some food for the dog.

she found some and tried to feed him some more, still it would bark.

till now, the story still continues . . . 

to whether, the poor pup's owner would still come back, or he'd choose to follow the new little girl that found him.

in my version, my heart lies in pain ..

i am the new little girl who found the poor pup and would do everything to take care of it, if only, the pup will let me.

but if the owner would come back, and if the pup will run to her happily, i will let him. for it would make him happy. still, i would lie in pain.

>i have loved but not loved back<

What Do People See In You

minsan siguro hindi na natin kayang baguhin pa ang sarili natin ..

no matter how much we try to please those people who dislike us, still .. it's not enough ..

see it this way ..

puting tela .. bagong laba .. and there's this small dot in the middle ..

kahit anung pilit natin .. ung maliit na dot na yun ang unang una nating mapapanisin ..

let's be honest here ..

we easily judge people by the way they look, they act and the way they do things differently than our standards ..

what we do not know are the reasons why they do these things ..

people are different that's a fact .. 

and to our present generation .. i guess uniqueness is something to appreciate ..

>> depends on the person, usually ..

lets just say .. may mga tao na kahit hindi ka nila ganung kilala .. kahit hindi mo sila ganung nakakasama .. hindi nila naiiwasan na sabihan ka ng kung ano ano ..

they judge you like they know you well ..

kahit naman siguro ang magulang natin na buong buhay na nating nakasama .. they still cant judge us fully kasi hindi natin sila nakakasama sa araw araw at hindi nila tayo nakikita palagi sa mga ginagawa natin ..

yes .. nobody's perfect and anyone can make a mistake .. at kahit sino humuhusga ..

pero may mga panahon na sadyang minsan wala ng katuturan ..

and yes , ive made the same mistake before and im not after making another one ..

id simply like to say na ....

wala tayong alam sa kung anong meron sa isang utak ng tao ..

we dont know the reasons behind every person's action ..

we simply witness its results ..

we are not here to judge but to live among ..

hard to say .. still we are not perfect ..

let's speak for the better .. because ive been through worst with regards to speech .. and it's a place ill never go back to ..

#

LOVING IT while HATING IT ^__^

class in physics ended up well and early. 

i was planning to go out on my own but i was having second thoughts.

before i left the school, my classmates were discussing some few things about missing classes and quizzes.

anyway, since staying would be useless since i wont have anyone with me on my trip, i left.

on my way, my #bhebhe called. 

well, it was quite shocking because i do the calling and he does the texting, if ever he wanted me to call him.

he called, gladly, i answered.

it wasn't a good call actually. it was a goodbye call.

he said, he'd be leaving the country by the afternoon.

he was already ready and his things were already done and fixed.

i almost cried and tried not to because i was on the road, walking. it'd be awkward if you pass by a girl crying, 

right ?

i went to some places which are not to be named. and i tried to keep myself busy just to get my mind off of this situation.

it came down to the last moment. the time he said he'll leave. 

he said it was 1 pm. 

it was already 12 noon and i tried my best to make every moment quite memorable. corny but true.

i said certain things and when it was time for him to go, he did.

i arrived home and everyone seems fine and normal. i thought that no one knew about it.

i tried to call, and by #GOD it rang ! ! ! ! is that really possible ?

to my shock, i ended the call.

the afternoon passed and i tried to keep everything fine and smooth.

i fell asleep and it was already 6 pm when i woke up.

i didn't even glanced at my phone thinking what would be the point.

i called him just to check if he's still in range.

and HE WAS ! ! ! shocker ?

he said the flight was delayed ( for five hours?! ) is that really serious ?

he called again. 

and as i answer the call, i went walking out of the house.

he said to look at the stars, i might see him. ( aswang ba ? )

then i heard his voice, personally.

i looked back and #GOD there he was.

i cant stop myself and i cried. he was laughing so hard. ( nakakaasar lang ! ! )

i kept on saying, "nakakaasar ka !" coz it really was annoying. he does that every time.

he should be thankful i love him so much. 

well, the crying didn't stop until he sat on a chair. i kept on punching and slapping him for doing something like that.

it wasn't really funny.

i hate it yet i love it..

the story would likely end this way, he would live and i would stay - nothing more and nothing less.

[ im happy he's just joking and hate it at the same time ..  he's lucky i love him that i can't resist him ]

mara's house : tuazon's residence - what they see

mara tuazon

she has been a friend of mine since college has started.

one of the greatest friends i have ever met.

she's nice and sweet : every guy that would ever dream to have.

one thing best about her is that she has a crazy and very interesting family.

im really glad that i am already a part of it.

 ive been to their house for like a million times and im treated as a family with no hesitations.

i call her parents "nay" and "tay" already and im free to eat whenever i visit.

her family is really great . . .

another great thing about the TUAZON's is that they have a great view.

they're actually renovating their house and it's almost there but not there yet.

on the third floor which i have been for lots of times, is very great.

and that has on of the greatest views i have sen in my entire life.

it might sound a little exaggerated but . . .



to what ive seen, its a combination of rural and urban sight.

- not a typical view : one of the rarest actually.



the wind is good and cold still you'd feel safe with its breeze.



from the second floor, you'd see the everyday living of their neighbors.

cars passing by, pets, also, passing by, people chatting and a lot more usual stuff that happens in a normal community.

smoke from cars, noise from chatters, odor from stinky dudes and many more.

you'd see how normal the view is.



while on the higher floor . . .



you'd see a great view of the sky .. a green vast land and a windy atmosphere.

in a country like ours, it's rare to appreciate this view on urban-like places.




in conclusion, they have a lucky and awesome view

'coz i would want one myself.

it something you wont get tired seeing, or even staring.

it would relax your daily stressful life.

it would help you think clearly and might even inspire you.

- like what happened to me.

ika nga eh, "hinding hindi ko 'to pagsasawaan"




it something worth seeking . . .